Going to Grandma's...

So, Grandma Jean lives in an assisted living apartment. I know a lot of people are like "I would never put my mom/dad/grandma/grandpa/old person in a rest home. That's so mean and they will be mistreated" but I have seen a couple of those really sad pitiful depressing "rest homes" and Jean doesn't live at one of those. It's really a pretty sweet set up for her. They aren't mean to her, and she'll actually ask them for help with stuff because she is paying them to help her. And pretty much everything is taken care of - you get your meals, entertainment, drugs, everything - even cocktail parties. Yeah! With actual cocktails and beer and live music and everything! And they've got some fancy buffet's too y'all! And those cute little half sized soda cans. (When we were there for the St. Patrick's Day party, there was an old lady hoarding the little soda cans in her walker to take back to her room. A whole bunch of them. And she wasn't being very covert, either. Like they wouldn't bring her a baby soda if she asked for it.) The only thing is that Grandma Jean never invites us over for these things! She must be embarrassed of us. I think I may have to just start inviting myself. I'll make note of the next party - and just haul Grandma's butt down for a snack and a beer. It's free fun! If you have a relative who is staying in a retirement apartment (as Grandpa calls his place) go have some free fun at their happy hour. Most places have these parties a couple times a month, and they have adult beverages if you are lucky. Plus I guess it gives me an excuse to visit Grandma, too.

Katie Horner is Free Fun...?

Yes. Yes she is. Who knew? Some dude named Adam. He had the genius to make up a Katie Horner drinking game. So now, instead of getting pissed AT Katie Horner when she interrupts programming to tell us the same stuff over and over for two hours, we can get pissed while Katie Horner interrupts an important story on 60 minutes to tell us to get our survival kits and find our safe place because she saw lightning. Even if I'm not watching 60 Minutes, Grandma will call me and have me look up the phone number for KCTV 5 so she can call them and complain. So either way, it effects me. Grandma didn't even say hi.

Here are the rules:

The Katie Horner Drinking Game

If Katie's wearing jeans, it's clearly casual day. All players must be in their underwear.

If Katie mentions a watch or a warning of any type, hold tight to your drink and sip nervously.

If Katie tells you it's hailing in you area, run outside to freshen the ice in your cup.

If Katie speaks directly to your children, give them a heavy dose of cough syrup. (If you don't have kids, drink it yourself.)

If Katie says "Tonganoxie," everyone passes their drink to the person on the right and chugs.

If Katie says "Take cover," top off your drink. It's gonna be a long night.

If Katie talks about being scared for your life, chug.

If Katie asks the audience to e-mail her rainfall totals or storm damage reports, take a crazy party pic and send it to her.

If Katie references Newschopper 5, take 5 gulps.

If Katie announces a tornado warning, fire up the blender and make some pina coladas.

If Katie talks about Doppler coupling, make out with the person to your left.

If Katie walks off screen, take a long, steady chug until she returns.

If Katie talks about peace of mind, drink.

If Katie tells you you're in the clear, the game ends.

If a tornado actually hits your house, move the party to KCTV5 and get Katie drunk with you!